I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i think i have two assholes
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
