i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
