If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
So here I am, sexting at work.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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