I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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