put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
