He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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