I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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