I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
