I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize