Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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