I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize