So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
There r osticjed everywhere
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
