Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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