the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
