Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
