our cab driver is having phone sex.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
