On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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