I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
