At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
