im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
