Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
