I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
