I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
