she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
