So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
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