You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
