I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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