i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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