Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
