I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
