I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
