his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
