nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
