Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
