I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
