You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Drake has all the answers
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Congratulations! We have a period
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
