When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
