i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
