I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
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