haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
