I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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