he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize