Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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