In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Who died my cat blue again?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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