You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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