Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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