I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
