Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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