Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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