Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
