Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
