did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize