We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
