Banned from zoo.
Again?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
