census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
