don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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