Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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