The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
