I can text with my tongue
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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