using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
