Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
