i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
