I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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