so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
