We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
